You go through a variety of phases similar to the moon, dare I say it. Although, the moon is more predictable as to what phase it is in, unlike life where you kind of just guess until after the phase is over you’ll be certain as to what phase you went through.
There are general phases: infant, childhood, puberty, teenager, adulthood, parenthood, retirement/grandparent. Once you hit 18 the phases are less and less predictable. You’ll be able to point out what phases others are in because you’re an outsider looking in. When it comes to your own life, it could be more of a challenge.
For 18 years of my life, I was in school consistently k-master’s degree. Seem’s like a lot, it was, but it was completely worth it. I’ve been out of school for a little over a year now, and I have no ambition or motive to do anything; I’m in abyss. I have no desire to marry nor have children. I have no desire to be a homeowner. I have no desire in changing my work place because I love where I work and what I do. This is no place to be though or so what society has told me. Why? Because this is the time I am supposed to be putting myself out there, finding a mate for life and settling down, starting a family.
Here I struggle to understand what is next for me. I am a planner, wherever I go I have some plan or an idea as to what needs to happen. When those plans are washed away, I’m at a complete and total loss. I shut down. I melt like a snowman on a hot summer day, tears and all. I’m learning to be okay with not having a plan, after all you can’t plan for everything in life, sometimes you just got to roll with the punches.
My words for you, Keep on dreaming and don’t stop.
It’s been a while since I published anything here. I’ve withdrawn myself from a lot over the past year. I like to tell myself that life just got busy, but in reality I got lazy and unmotivated to write anymore. I’ve wrote off and on over the past year but never did it cross my mind to jump on here and post about it, because this was a place for my poetry; my grade A material. After all, the audience reacted more for poetry than anything.
Ever lose sight of your hobbies? Ever wonder if you could pick back up again? Will it be the same?
So here I am, again. Seems like a reoccurring theme for me here, to start and stop writing. I’m not certain why as I have a lot to say about the world and a means to express it. I just need to make the time to put it down. As any creator would share with the world,
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of of knowledge but rather a lack in will.
I’ll start with typing my journal entries and then see where life takes me from there. I cannot guarantee that my two cents will be actually worth two cents but who knows. This could inspire others to keep going.
Here’s to the future, may it be a bright one; ’til next time.
Today’s post stems from a question, What is one thing you are afraid to tell people?
Generally speaking, I’m a fairly open book. I have no shame in my past; in fact, I am proud of my past because without it, I would not be who I am today. However, there are certain things I just don’t share with anyone. Today is the day I share with you all, complete strangers, what I’m afraid of and I believe most can relate.
I find bliss in helping others. It can be sharing a small token of appreciation to giving someone time to talk about what’s going on in their world and how they can come back from the place they are at. I take pride in building connections with people from day one. Many times these folks think that I have my life put together and comment ‘wow I wish I was more like you’, but do you really?
I am afraid of telling people I am not okay.
I am afraid of telling people that I am not okay. I can ask for help with projects or things I simply cannot do without others however, when it comes to my own personal life (like my thoughts), its much harder for me to say I’m not okay. I try to be the strong one for everyone else. I put others before myself.
By admitting I am not okay, it makes me feel as if I am weak and incapable of “doing life.” Lately it has been that time where I want to say I am not okay. I’m so worn out by putting others first, that I don’t know where to begin in helping myself.
When it rains, it pours.
It seems that when I strive to make myself better, I take three giant leaps back before I can move forward. I’m in this odd part of my life where I enjoy my freedom however, it would be nice to be appreciated and most of all respected by someone who truly and deeply cares about me and all of me for that matter.
Now tell me what you are afraid of telling others?
Have you ever just decided last minute, hey I want to go some place? You weren’t worried about how much it would cost or where you would sleep, you just needed to get away. That happened to me three days before Christmas last year. Where I work I get the last week of the year off (blessed I say). On December 22 I packed my car and took off for a wild 12.5 hr drive and found myself at the Capital: Washington D.C.
I checked into my hotel, parked my car and was off on my walking adventure with no sleep! Walking in D.C. is nothing short of breathtaking awe-inspiring magic. Every monument or museum I went to I was amazed. The entire trip I kept thinking ‘Someone who changed history could have walked right where I am today.’ Which lead me to this quote by David McCullough, ‘History is who we are and why we are the way we are’ which I think describes D.C. perfectly. From The Capital to The Washington Monument to Lincoln’s Memorial (one of my absolute favorite spots in D.C.) was I lead on quite the historical route. For those that don’t know, everything in D.C. is free (Thanks taxpayers!) from the zoo to all the museums. The lines getting into museums didn’t last too long because it was off season of tourism. It did resemble airport security except this time no one took off their shoes.
When I saw Lincolns Memorial, I literally sat down in front of the 10 ft statue of Abraham Lincoln basking in the radiant area. I was so awe-inspired that I went back the next morning to capture some morning photos of D.C. and by golly it was magnificent. This trip helped me open my eyes to how free I am. Free in the sense that I am not tied to anyone nor do I have obligations besides work. I discovered a bit about myself and that is, I am the most important person in my life. I cannot just live my life by someone else’s standards otherwise I won’t be happy. Find joy in everyday and most of all find your bliss. Also, wake up early and watch the sunrise awakening the world. It is such a peaceful time especially like savoring your favorite candy.
I ended the trip by seeing the Tomb of the Unknown Solider in Arlington. This place really hit home for me. The pictures and video clips I saw of this place did not do it justice. For what seems to be miles you see headstones of soldiers who paid the ultimate price for my (our) freedom. I watched the transition of the post on the hill around closing time, all you heard was the clicking of the soldiers heals on marble echo through the trees.
Washington D.C. is such an amazing place to visit. There seems to be an endless stream of things to do and always not enough time to do each of those things. If you have the time why not make an impromptu trip to a historical landmark, it might give you a fresh perspective on your life and where you stand.
Thanks for reading! Enjoy this photo of me jumping at the top of the Lincoln Memorial.
Starting over has never been easy for anyone. Yet, here I am facing that wall again. I figured this time I would just write until I couldn’t anymore. I’m not sure what this will yield but maybe it will lead to something better.
Adulting is no small feat nor can anyone really prepare you for it. A year ago, I lost my father which set forth a series of events that would change the vision I chased. I cut ties with several people. My health took an unexpected turn. I found love. I started a career. I regained my life slowly.
I think Adulting/life should have the synonymy: persevere. Each and everyone one of us face several challenges throughout our lifetime much of the time we are alone facing those battles. The one thing we must remember even at our darkest hours:
There are these moments of hardship in everyone’s life, typically revolving around some sort of loss. It could be the loss of a pet, friend, loved one, a career, finances, and more. During these hardships there is no guide on how to operate while dealing with life. Yes, certain conversations can help prepare you for what to do next, but no conversation can help you prepare for that exact moment of impact.
You can read about other people’s experiences in dealing with hardships and tell yourself that you would respond a certain way. It isn’t until you are placed into that situation will you know what you would do. There is no right or wrong way with cooping hardships because it is a process. Seeking professional help where they can guide you through the emotional process can help but what about everything else? There are questions you have no answers to nor does anyone around you have the right answers. Many times we have to Pick ourselves up by the boot straps, sort of robotic like in handling the hardship before we can process what just happened.
Writing is always a great tool to help you put those thoughts which keep running in your mind onto something concrete. This will allow you to feel temporary relief and possibly help find a solution to your hardships. If you seek some religious outlet for relief or someone’s ear to help talk things through by all means get it out. In recent days, my father has been hospitalized due to a stroke and is currently in a coma. In a million years, I’d never thought that I’d have to see dreadful things happen to my father, was I wrong. I’m over two thousand miles away from him with two jobs and school all of which require my time and energy just as much as he deserves my time. I’m making a plan so when I do visit him, I’ll have goals and things to get done while he gets better.
The most precious thing in life isn’t money, fancy cars, careers, it’s time. Time is something that cannot be replaced nor replicated. The time is now and then it’s gone faster than a blink of an eye not to be spotted again. How we choose to spend our time is completely up to us. Yes, we can work 40 plus hours a week, buy expensive things, become CEO of a company, but we can’t work enough to make more time. We are the lucky ones.
I thought 2016 was a big year for me, 2018 is a whole different ball game. I’m graduating again! I’m quite involved and busy in my normal day to day life. During the last half of 2017 I realized somethings that I really could have improved on, thus giving me goals to aim for in 2018. I’m not calling this my New Years Resolution because let’s face it many of us don’t keep those. Also, by posting it on this blog I’m able to keep myself accountable.
Make 52 new recipes (roughly 1 recipe per week). I love to cook and I’ve gotten into a rut cooking the same meals in a rotation. This will help me gain cooking skills, try new foods, and most of all appreciate food on another level.
Post on here 108 times (roughly twice per week). I’ve neglected this beautiful blog I’ve nurtured for quite some time. Its best I give it life again. It won’t focus on strictly poetry more like whatever content I can prepare for the week.
Get my LLC by May or August. I have 6 years experience in fundraising and I’d hate for all of this to go to waste once I start working as a behavioral therapist. This is one way to earn extra cash and keep my experience going.
Explore my city with my camera once a month. I live in a metropolitan city which is roughly home to over 1 million people. I’d say I’ve only explored maybe 1% since I moved here mid 2012. It’s time to see what treasures this city holds.
Do you have any goals? Are your goals Specific Measurable Achievable Realsitic Timely?
If so, share them in a comment below. Don’t forget to like this post!